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"Gilbert is very talented. He paints, sings, writes and composes songs." Usually before I cringe at the phrase, I would lighten up the moment by declaring, "But my biggest talent is eating!"
It will not be wrong to presume that if my accident didn't happen, I'd probably be slogging away at an architectural drawing board in an office somewhere in Singapore. I will find it difficult to imagine today what life would have been like for me in a 9 to 5 environment, pursuing the 5 Cs in this materialistic society we live.
Now I read Challenge, Courage, Character, Commitment and Creativity as my personal list to strive for. Having lost the use of my fingers, I made the choice of gritting the brush between teeth to paint. Nights when sleep was distant, my restless mind jostled with words and music to conform into lyrics and song.
A painting can be quite easily hung up the wall for everyone to see and enjoy. It's a different situation when it comes to songs. Days when I was walking around with guitar in hand where music can immediately be played and heard are now not possible. To arrange music for songs can be an expensive option. On the rare occasion where the Wataboshi Music Festival comes around, or sponsers and organizations commission a song, I will get the luxury of hearing my work in its full glory. Singing accapella requires a Celine Dion or a Mariah Carey to make it sound good. A song without music is sort of, like 'pulot hitam' without coconut milk!
In 1989, six years after my spinal cord injury, I produced my first music album. It was an act of desperation, putting on the line most of my paltry savings, to "prove" I wasn't as crippled and useless as I was feeling myself to be then. I am glad and relieved to reveal the cost was recouped and profit was made. It was such a delight and encouragement to this fat fellow on wheelchair who was virtually unknown as a "performing artiste". Well, I have since done two more albums with moderate success.
To emphasize how amazing things were for a quadriplegic like myself, I must add that I lost most of my vocal power after my spinal injury. Most quads would be hard-pressed to just breathe and will probably be gasping for air, let alone sing. Some are attached to respiratory machines or require assistance in some form. With the help of a little training in singing lessons learnt during my choir days, I have been able to recover two-thirds of my voice and project it with some force. Practice comes sometimes in the form of shouting matches with my parents!
Producing an album is no easy task, to say the least. I lost weight more successfully while recording the first three cassette albums than when I was actually dieting! Still, the thought of coming out with a compact disc compilation was quite an allure. What's needed was a collection of good enough songs to warrant such a major investment. It would be a very costly ego trip if otherwise. I had to work my electronic abacus very, very
carefully.
It was a nice feeling to be back in the sound studio. Putting on the headphones and staring at the 10 thousand over dollar microphone, I suddenly remembered how intimidating the scenario was the first time I did
my recording. Now it seems like old friends coming together, a walk down memory lane. Yet I had to cut short my nostalgia, as studio time is too expensive for such reminiscing. Anyway, there are twelve tracks to work on.
The marvels of modern computer technology is such that I can record over and over again as many times as required. Software tools to stretch my voice, adjust the pitch, cut this and paste that in are easily done in seconds. Although I did not have the quality of a Jackie Cheung or a Jeff Chang, the recording engineer assured me that I was much better than Fann or Zoe. I did wonder, was that a compliment?
Well, come Chinese New Year 1999, this CD project will be completed. That is when the harder task of convincing people to fork out their hard-earned money to buy the album will begin. A chef is only as successful as when people sample his cooking, a songwriter is only as good as when somebody listens to his song. Besides the monetary aspects of such a creative process, there's always the heart and soul that's infused. Perspiration mixed with tears mingled with some blood. It's a very stark description, but it's the way I feel. Like a painter whose life is framed and hung for
all to see. I have opened my heart and made myself vulnerable for display and critique. It is an experience I will take in my stride, though I pray that most will be forgivingly gentle. But that's another story. So I will take life one day as it comes, and as my song says, "One step at a time".
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